| Last post in this place |
[Dec. 20th, 2009|10:56 am] |
I'm going to miss this so much.
I'm going to miss the white linoleum floor.
I'm going to miss the having the light switch right above my head in bed.
I'm going to miss the red wood lining around the white doors.
I'm going to miss how wide and sunny the upstair hall is in summer.
I'm going to miss that ridiculously ornate bathroom.
I'm going to miss my landlady, who's lovely and wonderful and I hope there's time for us to have lunch together today. I got her present because she's that awesome.
I've been very happy here. I'm sure I'll be happy in my new place, and if not, at least that will give me an excuse to go out more (I want to take up kickboxing as well as rockclimbing).
Moving, unless it's moving out of my family's place, always makes me feel nostalgic and sad. Memories and milestones were stored up during my stints at various places, so I'm not only leaving a place, but who I was at that place. It had been good-bye to silent_bunny of Dumas, good-bye to silent_bunny of Pallatine, and now it's good-bye to silent_bunny of Falgarwood.
I hope if those silent_bunnies ever meet up and have tea with the silent_bunny of Sixth Line, they'd find her a happy (and hopefully richer) bunny as well. |
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| Remember, abnormal =/= wrong |
[Dec. 15th, 2009|09:52 pm] |
Today was a weird day where I went to the doctor overreacting about something getting lodged in my foot that turned out wasn't there (hoo god that was embarrassing) and then getting a phone call from a different doctor about a biopsy I had done a week ago to discuss the results this Thursday.
They only call when things are abnormal, which I need to remind my melodramatic self is not the same as when things are wrong. After all, I freaked out over a splinter in my foot that turned out wasn't there - I'm probably overreacting about the biopsy results as well.
Still, it's putting me in an oddly contemplative mood, and I've been thinking too much lately already.
I've been working out the old guilt issue. Apparently being born after several siblings had died horribly in concentration camps during a bloody civil war has given me a lifetime of survivor's guilt (not to mention trouble seeing the world as real. You live with ghosts, the lines tend to blur.) I feel guilty that I have this amazing life with food, education, and loved ones, totally untouched by suffering and grief, when half the senior members of my family are dead and the other half went through hell I could not even imagine. That has been pretty much been my life since I was born, feeling like I don't deserve the good things I have in my life and that I ought to have suffered like they did.
I had for years wished for absolution from that guilt, secretly longed for either the dead or those who survived to forgive me for not suffering like they did. In the end, they never did, but it turns out I didn't need them to, and I'm glad because it would be so incredibly selfish, so unbelievably self-centred of me to asked them to put their pain aside for me.
I learned something.
No one is entitled to receive forgiveness from anyone else. To forgive is good, oh yes, I'm a big believer in forgiving. It's good for your soul. But the person who did the wrong isn't entitled to be forgiven. It's not something that they are owed. It's unfair to ask someone who was wronged to put their pain in second place to the person who wronged them's need to be forgiven. Best example of this is the book of Wicked (warning, review contains MASSIVE SPOILERS.) It convinced me that the worst form of terrorism is people seeking forgiveness. Good lord, apologize, if they don't accept your apology or allow you to apologize, move the fuck on, don't keep hounding them to give you an "I forgive you" spiel. They have their own things to deal with - the world isn't all about you, respect their fucking pain and leave them in peace and work out your issues on your own.
I know, easier said than done, but I did it. I used to dream about telling my brother how guilty I feel and then he'll tell me I have nothing to feel guilty for, but now I see that as me telling him that my guilt is more important than what he suffered during The Killing Fields. I am so glad I worked out that I have nothing to feel guilty for on my own without needing to hear it from my family. I'm so glad I didn't put my family in the position of having to put my need to stop feeling guilty for having a good life above the horrors they went through in Cambodia. Occasionally, I don't fuck things up :)
This isn't to say apologies are bad. Apologies are very good, but they should be more about person who was wrong, more about the damage they are going through, than trying to make the person who did the wrong feel better. |
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| 999999999999 km/hr |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|10:14 pm] |
Anyone else feel like December kind of sprung out of nowhere? How the hell is it the 9th already?
I think it's the going to be the starkest Christmas my family has ever celebrated. No trees or decoration, only one big meal. I'd be upset, being the screaming, flailing, prancing Christmas!whore that I am except I'm too busy even notice.
Work has been insane lately. I love my job, but we're so short-staffed that one person taking the day off causes traffic-stopping chaos. I didn't realize how time-consuming Latin dance class would be, and of course I take up rock-climbing just before December starts. Did I mention I'm moving in December? Crazy. I've also joined a support group and we have a meeting this Sunday.
A low-key Christmas is going to be a relief.
But I'm hoping for an old-fashioned full-blown Christmas next year with all the glories of anticipation that really makes the season. This time last year I was making Christmas cards out of calendars while blasting Christmas radio through my brother's apartment. It was awesome. I miss that festive atmosphere.
Or would if I had the time and ability to catch my breath and think about it. I swear, December/Christmas was a total surprise attack this year.
Anyways! A really cool thing happened to me at work today!
Those were gifts from one of the faculty from the ceramics department at the college I work at. I helped him with some donations he made to the library and and today when I got back from my afternoon I saw a very pretty green gift back on my chair with those 3 ceramic bowls in them. They're gorgeous, and I can't tell you how blown away I was to receive them. It's kind of humbling, actually.
In other news, my brother got Jennyface to serenade me through the phone. It was to die for. I love that baby.
Also, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) freelark is wonderful
Yeah, world is rushing by at lightning speed, but it's still good, if exhausting and brain-mushing :) |
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| Colour-themed Oakville and slippery slope opinion |
[Dec. 16th, 2009|09:06 pm] |
But first,
HAPPY
BELATED
BIRTHDAY
TITHANAI!
You amazing, talented, thought-provoking and thoughtful woman. I hope this year is every bit as wonderful as you are ^___^
( Click here for colourful pictures of Oakville )
Oakville may be in the middle of bloody nowhere and bore me to tears but it does provide for some amazing camera-whoring opportunities ^_^
I hate the slippery slope argument. Gay marriage is wrong because then we're on a slippery slope where people will marry dogs. Abortion is wrong because then we're on a slippery slope to where it's okay to kill newborns. Looking at case of where a store owner stopped a thief from stealing his wares and tied him up until police got there as anything other than criminal vigilante is wrong because then we'd be on a slippery slope where store owners are allowed to shoot or beat to death anyone who steals from them.
Seriously, have you met anyone who was pro-gay marriage who endorsed marriages between human beings and dogs? Or anyone who was pro-choice that said said throwing a day old baby in a dumpster was all right? Or anyone who thought David Chen didn't deserve to be punished for performing citizen arrest that also believed that store owner who beat the shoplifter to death was in the right?
Most people are capable at looking at things on a case by case basis. We kind of have to be with how complicated and grey the world is. If we all went by a "If A is okay, then B must be also, and then C, and D, and F" logic, we'd either be able to do everything or nothing at all. We need to be able to look at topic in its context, with all its nuances and relevance, to make a decision that would best suit the situation. Using the slippery slope argument negates any type of context and relevance thinking, and we really can't afford to do without those considering how varied and complex the world is. Yes, there are some times when the slippery slope argument is valid (fuck if I could think of one off the top of my head right now though) but for the most part, it does nothing except to derail the real issue and throw context and relevance out of the window.
People who use the slippery slope argument must have a very dim view of humanity. They're probably the same people who think that without religion nothing is going to stop a person from killing, raping, abusing, and hurting others.
Which really is the crux of the problem that is me: I always did have too much faith in humanity. |
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